Pagan and Poly – A Poly Family – an Interview Series

I talked to Johnny about his polyamorous family. His long term relationship was impacted early on by the birth of triplets. They are a family of six, with Ivy and Divi, and the triplets.

How long have you been involved in polyamory?
About 14 years, we had been looking for a third person for probably 3 or 4 years before we met Divi. We have been together almost ten years. It was something we felt might finish balancing our relationship.

Is your relationship legally formed?
With us it has been a matter of mutual respect  and honor. Treating the relationship as if it was a legal and binding marriage situation. You can’t do that in this society. Three people can own a home, it is hard for three people to own a car, it is even harder for three people to have a checking account with a money card for each. We have simply honored ourselves as a family, especially when it comes to the children. We have just always acted as though we have the same say, the same rights, same decision making authority. I am recorded as the father of the children.

Do you live together as a family?
We are a nuclear family. We went through the pregnancy together and are raising the kids together. We share the bills together.  Everything that the traditional nuclear family does, we do together, except there are three of us.

Photo: Jezebel.com

Were having the kids part of the motivation for polyamory?
Part of our search of finding a third was to open the possibility of having kids. It was something we had been talking about at the time the triplets came along. The triplets were spontaneously conceived, we weren’t using any fertility treatments. It is just the way things went.

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Pagan and Poly – an Interview Series

This series of interviews with Pagan folks who have experience with polyamory (poly), will inform you of the diversity within poly and the challenges and benefits to this life style orientation.

Poly discussion and experience came early to the Neo-Pagan movement in part because of the article entitled “A Bouquet of Lovers,” written by Morning Glory Zell-Ravenheart and first published in Green Egg Magazine (Spring 1990) . Poly relationships are as different as people and as difficult to define as polyamory.

The term “polyamory” commonly means open to, or engaging in, multiple loving relationships (of whatever form or configuration) wherein all parties are informed and consenting to the arrangement . Polyamory has many interpretations and no firm definition. The two essential ingredients of the concept of “polyamory” are “more than one” and “loving.”

Broadly interpreted,  relationships that are called; Non-monogamous, ‘swinging’,  polyfidelic (exclusive within multiples) and even casual ‘sex buddy’ arrangements can all be included, or alternatively, definitely not be included as a polyamorous relationship. Poly practice has developed its own language and terms to be more specific. Compersion, “the opposite of jealousy” ,  is a state of empathetic happiness and joy experienced when an individual’s current or former romantic partner experiences happiness and joy through an outside source, including, but not limited to, another romantic interest.

Tegan is in a poly triad with her best friend and their shared partner.

How long have you been involved with polyamory?
I have been in my current poly relationship for about three years . I have been poly on and off since I was nineteen.

How is your relationship structured?
We have no legal commitments for the three of us. I started seeing my partner about ten days before his other partner, who was not quite a partner yet had moved up from another city. We were pretty much a triad from the start. Originally we all lived in separate apartments and about two years ago we all moved into an apartment together, and have been since then. We all knew that a poly relationship was a  requirement from the start. He had known her for a number of years, and knew he wanted to be poly. We had met through friends but I didn’t really get to know him until we talked on OK Cupid, an on-line dating site. We were pretty clear that poly was one of our agreements, even though we were both single when we started dating. Continue reading

Indefinite detention of US citizens? Yes We Can!

While we were out celebrating on New Year Eve, our vacationing President quietly signed the National Defense Authorization Act.  Normally this is no cause for alarm as an NDAA Bill is a yearly Bill which authorizes general military funding.  This year was different.  This year the Bill contained a provision which gives the President of the United States the power to detain terror suspects captured anywhere in the world, even if they are U.S. citizens on US soil, and hold them indefinitely without charges or trial.  How’s that for bringing in the New Year?

Why should Pagans, Heathens, and polytheists care about this?  Isn’t it just aimed at terrorists?  That depends on the increasingly subjective term ‘terrorist suspect.’  Not convicted terrorists, suspected terrorists or suspicion of being a terror sympathizer.  Could you become a suspect for having more than seven days of food stored in your home?  Yes, you could.  Paying cash for a hotel room can also place you on a watch list.  Could simply being part of a marginalized and misunderstood minority, such as Paganism, make you a target?  Glenn Greenwald, a former civil rights attorney and current Salon columnist, had this to say about who governments typically target when they are looking to expand their power, “Typically, new powers are often applied in ways that people will feel comfortable with. So if the government wants to restrict speech they will pick the most hated person in the society and restrict their speech and nobody will care…The problem is that these things proliferate far beyond their original applications, in every instance that’s true. Historically, that’s how power functions.”

A more concrete way Pagans could come under the eye of the Department of Homeland Security is to be part of, or show sympathy for, the Occupy movement.  Although it has been local law enforcement that has cleared out Occupy camps and arrests protestors, it is the Department of Homeland Security that is directing and coordinating the actions to suppress the movement. 

… according to Rick Ellis at the Examiner, a Justice Department official says that the recent evictions of Occupy movement across the country including Salt Lake City,Denver,Portland,Oakland, and New York City were “coordinated with help from Homeland Security, the FBI and other federal police agencies.”

Author and political consultant Naomi Wolf detailed her experience being arrested during an Occupy protest in an interview with the Guardian.  The most troubling aspect of her experience, and there were many, was the Department of Homeland Security’s involvement.

Another scary outcome I discovered is that, when the protesters marched to the first precinct, the whole of Erickson Street was cordoned off – “frozen” they were told, “by Homeland Security”. Obviously if DHS now has powers to simply take over a New York City street because of an arrest for peaceable conduct by a middle-aged writer in an evening gown, we have entered a stage of the closing of America, which is a serious departure from our days as a free republic in which municipalities are governed by police forces.

Another activist area that some Pagans are involved with is animal rights. Recent documents gained under the Freedom of Information Act reveal the is keeping files on activists who expose animal welfare abuses on factory farms and recommended prosecuting them as terrorists.  Included in this list are persons whose crime was to illegally enter factory farms and videotape the conditions of the animals.  The terrorism they engage in is to cause economic harm to the animal owners.  Videotaping horrific conditions in a chicken factory can now redefine you as a terrorist.

But is NDAA 2012 really that bad?
The ACLU believes so.  In a Press Release sent out immediately after President Obama signed the Bill they said, “President Obama’s action today is a blight on his legacy because he will forever be known as the president who signed indefinite detention without charge or trial into law,” said Anthony D. Romero, ACLU executive director. “The statute is particularly dangerous because it has no temporal or geographic limitations, and can be used by this and future presidents to militarily detain people captured far from any battlefield.  The ACLU will fight worldwide detention authority wherever we can, be it in court, in Congress, or internationally.”

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Editorial: I Pledge 10%

I don’t make New Year’s resolutions, but I am making a public pledge and I invite others join me.  During 2012, I’m donating 10% of my income (net) to charities, individuals in need, and artistic endeavors. At least half of the funds are earmarked for groups, organizations, and individuals in my religious community. I don’t make a ton of money. Most of you don’t make a ton of money. I’ll definitely feel the pinch.  I also pledge to volunteer 10% of my time, 4 hours a week, to groups and organizations that need another pair of hands.

I’m doing this out of need.

The world is in desperate need of help and while I can’t help the world, I can donate to a food shelf and feed one person for a week.  I can donate supplies to artists so they can make a living and create beauty and truth.  I can spend a few hours editing a website for an understaffed non-profit or planting seeds in a community garden.  I can’t help everyone, but I can wash sheets in a homeless shelter.  So can you.

Our religious communities need us to step up and demonstrate our support.  My mother advised me to judge what people hold dear by what they do, not by what they say.  My religious community is important to me which is why I specify half of the money and time I donate goes to Heathen, Pagan, and polytheist groups, projects, and individuals.  According to the book Voices from the Pagan Census 67% of Pagans give less than $250per year to their religion – 28% give nothing.  The median income for Pagans is between 30,000 and 40,000, which is on par with the general population.  Most of us have funds to donate and if we don’t, we have time and talent.  The question is if our religious community is a priority for us, and if so, will our actions reflect that.

I am in dire spiritual need for the opportunity to act on my values. “We give that You may give” is an ancient saying which sums up the relationship between man and the divine.  It isn’t a bribe, but a spiraling relationship built on mutual respect and love.  Donating my energy, either directly through my actions or indirectly through money, is an opportunity for me to share, rather than an obligation to give.  What the Gods have given me, I give to others.  What I give to others, the Gods give to me.  The great cycle I refuse pretend I’m not a part of.  Giving is good for my heart as it thrives on daily acts of generosity.  I crave more generosity in my life, don’t you?  Donating my time helping my neighbors is a reminder that money is not the only way to happiness. It keeps me sane to embody an ethos very different from our very dominant monetary economy. The gently subversive quality of working in a soup kitchen or mending clothes at  a shelter helps me keep my values straight. Isn’t that what you deeply desire in your life, too?

Not everyone can give 10% of their income or spend 10% of their time (0f a 40 hour work week).  Please take care of your own families first.  I’m also not advocating people give everything away and live in sackcloth and ashes – that’s not from our mythos!  I don’t see wealth as something evil, but our wealth has outpaced our generosity.  We live in a world that says too much is never enough. Instead of We give that You may give – we want that we may want still more.  Enough really is enough.  Unless we learn that, we will never be satisfied ourselves.  And we will never know the joy that comes from letting go.  We let go so others may have.

If you can, consider giving what you can, when and wherever your heart feels inspired.  If you want to join me in pledging 10% of your income and 10% of your time, great!  Just want to do one or the other?  Perfect.  Can’t do a specific percentage?  Not a problem.  Do what you can, when you can.  That’s all any of us can do.

I hope your Solstice was bright, the omens for your year propitious, and that 2012 brings us joy.

Community Notes; January 2-8

Happy New Year.

This is a time when many people are making resolutions. Here are a few options for resolutions:
Resolve to go to at least one Pagan event per month.
Resolve to make a donation to the Sacred Paths Center.
Resolve to support local Pagan businesses.
Resolve to make sure that all your Pagan friends in the Twin Cities area receive this newsletter.

It’s less than a month until John Michael Greer (last year’s Paganicon guest of honor) returns to town for a weekend intensive at the Eye of Horus. http://shop.eyeofhorus.biz/Ceremonial-Magic-for-Pagans-p/cls-jmg1.htm

Speaking of Paganicon, if you have not yet signed up to attend the March 16-18 local Pagan conference, you can check it out at http://tcpaganpride.org/paganicon/ and register at http://paganicon.eventbrite.com/

It’s one month to the Star of the North Tarot Conference, February 3-4. You can learn more about it at http://www.tctarotcollective.com/
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