Letter to the Editor: CisWomen only ritual at PantheaCon

85 Comments

Instead of taking part in a ritual which I needed I’m sitting in a hotel room writing this letter.  I didn’t attend the Sacred Body ritual hosted by Z Budapest because I couldn’t face the protest.  A protest sparked by pain.  I know pain.  I was sexually abused in my marriage for 17 years.  Then I was abused for 5 more years by different men.  I hated my womanhood and my body.  Rituals like the one offered by Zsuzsanna have helped me begin to heal and I need them.  I’m not a bigot.  I don’t hate you.  Please, sisters, hear my words.

My marriage was a nightmare I wouldn’t have thought would happen to me.  I didn’t start out feeling like dirt.  Despising myself so much that I would agree with my husband this was what I deserved.  He would abuse me himself and with objects in place of his penis.  A wooden spoon from the kitchen.  A tool from the garage.  Dear sisters, my body is hurt and scarred.  When I undress I can see the damage.
After years of my family and friends pleading with me to leave him, and then abandoning me when I couldn’t, I found the Goddess.  I found community.  And that helped me to leave my husband and move to another state.  I circled with a small group of women.  I wasn’t free, though, not yet.  I was ashamed and didn’t own my body.  I sought out men who were as bad as my ex-husband.  They hurt me and the small coven tried to understand and help.  If a man wanted me, I couldn’t say no.  I let him and hated myself.  I had not yet reclaimed my body, sisters.  I didn’t deserve the love of my coven and I hurt them when I moved away.  I ran.
I was alone in the small town I moved to.  Alone and sick at heart.  I worked with a therapist and no longer slept with any man who demanded it.  I could no longer stand the thought of being naked with a man. After a few years I attended Heartland festival and there was a women only ritual for healing and for reclaiming our bodies.  I was sick and shaking when I went to circle with them.  I didn’t know if I could be naked in front of strangers.  They would see what a miserable bad person I was because these women would read it in the marks on my body.  I underestimated their wisdom and that night they saved me.  That ritual was my first step in no longer hating myself.  Hating my weak, ugly female body.

I am sorry if these next words hurt any of my transgender sisters, for you are my sisters.  When we disrobed, if I had seen a penis I would not have been able to stay.  Even today I can’t contemplate being naked with a male.  I am sorry, sisters, for my weakness.  I know you are not a man, but when I see a penis, I feel fear and pain.  This is my work that I need to do and I’m sorry my work hurts you.  I’m trying.

This is why I was at Pantheacon.  I am alone where I live.  I do not have a coven, I do not have pagan sisters where I live.  I go to festivals and I was at Pantheacon 2 years ago so I can be with my community and gain strength from my sisters.  All my sisters.  But I need these rituals of healing and of reclaiming my body as sacred.  I’m ashamed to say I need to have them without seeing a penis.  I hope this changes soon as I long for the day when a safe space includes everyone.  But I need this.  Can you sisters, all my sisters, find it in your heart to understand this?  To forgive me?

I did not go to the ritual at Pantheacon this year.  I wasn’t aware there would be protesters until I was at the hotel.  People at the convention have been talking about the ritual and emotions are high.  My friend that I’m attending the convention with was called a bigot and hateful because she planned to attend the ritual.  I am not hateful.  I am not a bigot.  I could not walk walk past those silent people sitting and standing in the hall in front of the doors to the ritual.  I am not defiant or strong enough to walk past the reproachful looks.
I thought there was a place for us all.  A place where we can all come together and a place where we can be apart working on what we need.  A place for celebration and a place for healing.  Yes, this ritual excluded all men and some women.  It excluded my transgender sisters so people like me can find healing.  So I can have a safe space in which to do this deep work.  To look at this body and have others look at this body and see something sacred.  I’m sorry this has hurt you.

The community has spoken and rituals like this will go away.  Or the women who attend them will be shamed.  There are fewer of these rituals now then there used to be at the festivals but even one is too many and too hurtful now.  There is no place for women like me in our community.  Our views and feelings are judged bad and wrong and outdated.    Please, sisters, accept my most profound apology.

Blessed Be,
A
.
Addendum: A asked me to add her answer to a question a few readers have asked.  The question is:   If there was a ritual with a post op transgendered M to F and she did NOT have a penis, would you still be upset?  The answer is:  No, I would not be upset.
Editor’s Note:   As with all such letters, the views held are solely those of the author and do not represent the views of PNC.  The issue of inclusion and exclusion in rituals at PantheaCon and other Pagan festivals has been a very contentious one over the past year.  PNC-Bay Area and the Wild Hunt are covering the developing story at PantheaCon.  We welcome comments, but please respect our comment policy. 
Comments are now closed.

Bread and Brew with new officers, too

Sacred Paths Center knows how to combine business with pleasure.  On Sunday the SPC held it’s annual meeting, elected a new Board of Directors, and hosted a Bread & Brew event.

Annual Meeting
During the annual meeting the main item of new business was to reduce the board from nine members to seven.  The proposal was voted on and carried.  The new board of six persons, all women this year, was voted in at the meeting.  They are Lola Moffatt, Nikki Wakal, Carol, Mary Oczak, Heather Roan Robbins, and Emily.  There is one board position open to be filled at a later date.

Presentation to members
The board presented a powerpoint of the past year and the impact the center has had on the community.  The board addressed one of the major challenges of the center, cash flow.  The center spends approximately $4000 a month and brings in $3000 in revenue.  Addressing the net loss is one of the goals of 2012.

The presentation also highlighted the achievements of the center.  Since opening their doors there have been over 50 rituals, 141 potlucks, 27 concerts, and over 600 classes and workshops.

Along with the goal for addressing the revenue imbalance the center hopes to complete their 501c3 status, apply for grants, and finish cataloging the library.  They noted that increasing the number of memberships, and encouraging current members to upgrade their membership, would help keep the center operating.  After the meeting was over, the board members and SPC members joined in the festivities happening in the main room.

Bread & Brew
As in previous years, the annual Bread & Brew was held directly following the annual meeting.  Approximately 25 people attended the event where bakers and brewers show the community what they can do.  SPC Executive Director Teisha Magee says the event,  “showcases the talents of community members” and is also a fundraiser for the center.

There were ten entries in the bread category and one for the brewers, which was down from last year’s entries.  Samples of breads and wine were set out for attendees and official judges to sample and vote on.  Attendees voted by placing poker chips, which they purchased for $1 each, in the jar in front of their favorites.  They could buy as many votes as they like and distribute them in any way they wished.  The bread and brew that received the most attendee votes would be declared the Peoples’ Choice winner.  Judges used scoring sheets to decide first, second, and third place in yeast breads, quick breads, beer, mead, and wine categories.

SPC board member Carol, former board member George, and Alaina judged this year’s competition.  Alaina bid on the right to be a judge at the SPC auction and fundraiser held earlier this fall.  The winners are as follows:

Yeast Bread
Third Place – “bread” by Michael
Second Place – “Portuguese sweet bread” by Judy
First Place – “Multi-grain” by Lisa

Quick Breads
Third Place – “Pumpkin bread” by Ruth
Second Place – “Blueberry bread” by Connor
First Place – “Date Bread” by Judy

People’s Choice for Bread – “Multi-grain” by Lisa

Wine
First Place – “Merlot” by Cara

People’s Choice for Brew – “Merlot” by Cara

There were no entries in the beer or mead categories.

Community Notes; February 13-19

The Sacred Paths Center is three years old. Happy Birthday SPC, and thank you for being our Community Center.

Welsh Druid, Kristoffer Hughes, will be presenting a free talk at the Eye of Horus this Tuesday at 7pm. The Welsh National TV Network S4C is sponsoring his trip, along with a film crew, for a documentary of his life as a Welsh Druid and a writer working with Llewellyn. http://eyeofhorus.biz/store/classes-events/kristoffer-hughes-druid.htm

Circle of Dragons Training would like to invite those wishing to learn more about Wicca as a spiritual path, to attend a FREE eight week Seeker course. Classes will be held at Black Bear Crossings beginning April 15th, 2012. Class times will be from 1:00-3:00 p.m. You must be over 18 to attend or accompanied by a parent/guardian. Anyone interested in attending should contact Jim or Ruth at circle_of_dragons@hotmail.com

STARS (Society for Teaching, Astrological Research, and Study) is recruiting vendors, readers and books for its 7th annual International Astrology Metaphysical Faire and Booksale on Saturday March 10, 10:30 – 4:30pm at the Twin Cities Friends Meeting House. Please contact LindaFei@aol.com or 651 698-1691. (Booth rates $30 and $40; $5 discount for National Council for Geocosmic Research members)

Paganicon has a few deadlines coming up.

If you or your group would like to sponsor a hospitality suite at Paganicon, the deadline is February 16. Details are available at http://tcpaganpride.org/paganicon/hospitality-suites

Registration is only $65 before February 23. After that, it goes up to $80. http://paganicon.eventbrite.com/

If you plan to stay at the hotel during Paganicon, the special con-rate for hotel guests is only available through February 23. http://doubletree.hilton.com/en/dt/groups/personalized/M/MSPPHDT-PAG-20120316/index.jhtml?WT.mc_id=POG

If you would like to purchase advertising in the Paganicon programming book, the deadline is February 26. http://tcpaganpride.org/paganicon/sponsorship-and-advertising

If you are an author who will be attending, you can still sign up for a book-signing slot before March 2. http://tcpaganpride.org/form/index.php?sid=35779&lang=en

Paganicon is a local Pagan conference held March 16-18, 2012 at the Doubletree Park Place in St. Louis Park , MN. http://tcpaganpride.org/paganicon/
___________________________________

For more detailed information (addresses, descriptions, etc.) or further updates, check out the much ballyhooed Twin Cities Pagans Yahoo group: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/TwinCitiesPagans/